I Am What I Am by The Narratographer

I Am What I Am by The Narratographer

As people go through life, they accumulate pain. Like anything that has its own energy, it needs an outlet. So they look for somewhere, someone, who can take it off of them. They spend the next few days, weeks, months, trying to pass their pain onto you. They don’t know they are doing it, but that is what happens. Problem is, pain is like any virus. When you give it so someone else, it is not taken from you. Instead of passing the problem on, you are simply letting it breed. To take on someone else’s pain is a brave thing to do. There are some of us in this world that look to help people, even at the detriment of our own well-being. We believe in people, even if we have grown to not like them very much and we can see through their ego to the wonderful person they surely are inside. We try to be good, we try to give where we can and that is what makes us perfect candidates to take on the pain of others. It is a bit like having a low emotional immune system, always catching the cold when a sick person walks past. Problem is, the thing that you do not realise, is that as each day passes, your self-esteem is slowly packing its bags and getting ready to leave. One day, it will be gone and at that point, you will realise that you need the person who has done this to you. You think to yourself that because you have been so giving, because you spent so much time trying to help them with their pain that surely they will be able to see that and they will once again bring you back to the person you were. But it doesn’t work like that. The die has already been cast and the way it has always been is the way it must always be. You are the giver, the fixer; you are in breech of the relationship agreement should you need anything in return. Of course, this is not their fault – they are simply not designed to be rescuers and to them. To them, they feel that they have simply worked out that you were simply not the person they thought you were. You are simultaneously guilty and innocent, and you have two choices. You can either keep going, with what little strength you have or you can back away in the knowledge that this was your last ever heartbreak. Either way, you are not the same person. You feel a pain that was never yours and you trust in life a little less than you did before. You realise that all of a sudden, it feels like the world doesn’t want you anymore. Everything feels out of place, like it isn’t really here. We touch but we can’t feel, we look but we don’t see. You are still you, but a much lesser version. I am what I am because of how much I loved you.

The Narratographer: Photos